Bringing me to myself

Actually honestly how I’m feeling lmao.

Hello friends, weird entry right, yeah I’m not known for this kind of entry. This certainly wasn’t supposed to be a blog post day for me but I’m honestly just in my feelings right now. I don’t really know why but since this is my safe space, I’ve decided to write how I feel and have a little conversation with you. Putting my feelings into writing had always been how I could really just feel better. It’s a lifestyle and my escape route. I won’t say I’m introverted but I’ll rather keep it to myself.

I’ve just recently realised that I’m a really disconnected person. There comes this time in your life that you begin to tell yourself what you really feel about you and I think I’m slowly approaching that stage. My last post was about friendships and I might have really lashed out on myself without even knowing. I go through things and automatically expect other people to know without quite informing them. Don’t get me wrong, I also have some friends that I might need to cut off but some of them are genuinely good people who I really am just disconnected from. I can’t promise to be better at that but it’s noted.

This generation thinks you can’t quite wear your emotions on your sleeve and I strongly disagree. Trigger warning: I’m a very opinionated person so if you get offended, I apologise.

A lot of us want to be loved and want to know what it really feels like to love someone but are in denial. A lot of us don’t want to get too mushy while showing emotions and so we form ‘hard guy’. Deep down somewhere, a lot of us are softies but will rather not get hurt. I can’t really blame us, I mean it’s the society. Not 1, not 2 but thousands of us actually glorify treating people who have strong feelings for us like trash.

To be honest, some of my experiences may have caused me to not be eager to feel love for anyone just yet because I don’t want to be taken for granted. But you only live once right? And most of the best things are risky, aren’t they? So why don’t we all just live to the fullest?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, sorry overthinking actually. I live in my head rent free lmao. I’m always there. Just thinking about things I should let happen on their own. I actually overthink when I realise we all have to say “present sir/ ma” in class. Crazy right? It’s just my life and I’m really trying to cut that part of myself away. Life is to be taken one day at a time and yes you need to struggle to achieve things but be gentle on yourself. Nobody wants you having high blood pressure at 27.

I’m really shy. Yes I am. You know the parable about talents in the Bible? I think I’m presently the one who kept her talent and didn’t gain anything with it. I am presently discovering myself and I think the best I can do is be honest to myself. I think we should all be honest to ourselves too. Do you have any talent or something you’re good at? Stop being ashamed about it, take that bold step right now and use it. We all want the money afterall lol, I’m sorry that came out wrong😭😂.

I’m learning to stop being judgemental. I can be really judgemental at times and to be honest it’s probably to my detriment at times. Minding your business is a skill and I’m learning it. Anything anyone does is really their business.

Some times I think I was born into the wrong generation. Does that ring a bell to you? Yes I’m talking to you reading this now, we are having a conversation kinda, don’t you think? Thanks for staying to listen anyway. I’m not trying to be rude to God, he doesn’t make mistakes. Sometimes I honestly just feel really misplaced because I don’t quite agree with the things people in my generation normalise but minding my business is essential right? We are all entitled to our opinions at the end of the day. I feel like upholding morality but I don’t have to force it on anyone else.

Some of us glorify depression without knowing. Yes, a lot of us are going through things and some of us are honestly depressed but some other people are trying to chase clout with it. The question is why? Why are you not letting us know the ones we really need to check on all the time? Some of you just want attention some times and it’s okay but don’t use depression to get it. People are struggling.

I’m sorry but this brings us to the end of today’s conversation. I tried to keep it as concise and honest as possible. So bye for now. I’ll see y’all later but stay safe and feel good, I don’t like to use this statement but “life is short”. Very unnecessary attachment but maybe you should listen to Kaiit’s “Miss Shiney”, it makes me feel better.

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