Some ships sail and stay afloat while some sink. Do ships stay afloat because they are driven by professionals or because they should float. The titanic must have had professional sailors but it still sank. The iceberg pierced holes and the great titanic went down.
I started this post with a parable so I’ll take it again. The ships I’m talking about are not actual ships. They are friendships. I had always been quite curious about relationships. I always wondered why some worked and some didn’t.
I questioned the validity of a few of my friendships and I realised that maybe, just maybe the tag of being a friend makes it more exhausting. Or maybe the word “My friend” is sometimes inappropriately used.
I haven’t lived for that long so I might make some more friends even if I already have a few. I’ve been friends with a lot of good people and sometimes we just drift apart and then, I see those posts like “I still love you but there’s nothing to talk about anymore” and it just doesn’t sit right with me if I’m being honest. Not talking to a “friend” for over a month doesn’t give me the “I still love you” vibe.
Do I really have to be less of myself to make a friendship work? Do we really outgrow friendships? To be honest I think we are all bad people to someone out there and there’s really no way we can correct it. Just be the best version of yourself and maybe try to correct the mistakes you can.
There are a few things I realised that I had to know to be a good friend and the first thing is understanding. To be in any relationship be it a friendship or a situationship whatever it is, understanding is key. You can’t understand without communication.
For example, your friend does something you don’t like. Maybe your friend makes a joke about something you are insecure about, talk about it and tell him or her that you don’t like it. Don’t keep quiet about it, sort it out immediately. Now I believe the friend understands that you don’t like such jokes. So the question now is how many times do I have to tell my friend that I don’t like it? Before I continue, I’ll like to inform you that I’m no friendship expert, I just like to air my opinions on issues of concern but if you have to tell someone the same thing over and again, I hate to break it to you but you might be in a sinking ship i.e a toxic friendship.
I believe if someone cares about you, which a friend should do, the person won’t want to hurt you intentionally and joking about ones insecurities is intentional hurt.
Being ones friend also doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be disagreements. Sometimes you have little issues with your friends, maybe you don’t like something they said or did or whatever happened, I believe in friendships, disagreements are healthy. But there are certain types of disagreements that maybe unhealthy. For instance, sensitive topics that tests your friend’s intellectual capability or sympathy for other human beings usually shows that sometimes you might have to cut that “friend” off.
The toxicity, subtle jokes about insecurities, problems being shut down or made to seem irrelevant, successes not being celebrated and all the little foxes spotted in friendships are the icebergs and once they pierce your ship, it goes sinking.
So before you get hurt, put your life guard on and jump into the lifeboat. Escape those toxic relationships today. Don’t let your “friend” manipulate you and make you think you’re the one at fault when you were the one offended. Don’t allow your friend make you think less of yourself. Don’t let your friend embarass you in public and say it’s a joke. Don’t allow your friend use you.
Anybody that sells you out isn’t really your friend. Anybody that doesn’t introduce you to opportunities when they can isn’t your friend. Anybody that constantly lies to you and doesn’t ever include you in any plans isn’t really your friend. When you tell your friend what you’re going through he/ she should show sympathy and try to do their best to assist you. Your friend should be able to check up on you once in a while and as a friend, you should also be able to return whatever your friend does for you.
Friendships and relationships in general are quite broad topics, so I plan to talk more about them on another day, so stay tuned in to this blog and subscribe to know when next I talk about friendships and relationships. Especially if you would like to know more. Meanwhile, what are your friendships like? How did you discover the people who weren’t your friends? Please you can drop your answers in the comment section. See you next time. Bye for now.